Thoughts on Making Adjustments

 

We are constantly compromising with those around us, to make sure that our world runs smoothly. Some situations require more effort than others.

Walking on a busy street, we all have to make minor corrections in order to prevent ourselves crashing into each other. Imagine if we all continued to walk on our chosen path, without adjusting for the presence of others, it would be chaos.

Sharing a space with someone requires a different sort of adjustment, especially when that space is limited. 

In England, there was a three bedroomed house with many rooms and two people, one of whom worked. Those two people now share a small apartment and both are retired.

 A new routine needed to be established, space for each negotiated. 

It is especially difficult when both parties are trying to make it easier for the other, trying to anticipate needs, trying to read thoughts, This can lead to misunderstandings, misinterpretations and missed opportunities. When both are trying too hard not to tread on each other’s toes, they end up either knocking each other over or amputating their own feet. We all have to find our own way around the obstacle that is the other, find our own space and move forward.

In yoga, tiny adjustments of your head or pelvis when lying down, can make a big difference to your comfort and ability to relax. Similarly, in a relationship, small adjustments in attitude and behaviour can make a massive difference to the way a relationship works.

I am well aware that adjustment to retirement can be a long slow process. Prior to retiring from medicine I had gradually reduced my hours until I realised that it was time to stop. Even with all the preparation and plans for my future writing, it was a massive change. I had been Dr James for so long. On that day in August 2016, I  lost my identity. Over the next few years, I had to reinvent myself. 

I retired a year after my parents died (just  eight months separated their deaths). It was only recently that I realised that I had not allowed myself time to grieve for them.  In the years that followed my retirement  I grieved for my parents at the same time as I grieved the loss of 'Dr James'.

Jacqueline James, writer, the new Me, is very happy with the way things have turned out.

Life is constantly changing. Moving to France has been one of the most positive things that I have ever done but I am still adjusting to it.  The language is coming slowly. The apartment will evolve. French bureaucracy is a mind-boggling bundle of nonsense, but other people seem to negotiate it, so I’m sure we will.

And even though even though it has rained for last three days, this is still the best place to be.

The garden loved the rain.